I haven’t even figured out how my life will work after I finish college. Seems like people I know have very much seen me taking a new path, leading a new life while myself is still floating in nowhere. I can’t see the other side of the wall, I’m not even standing at a crossroads. I am stuck to where I am right now for I wasn’t able to see my future in the past. What I had only seen definite is I am going to finish college. My goals haven’t leaped that stage until now. Maybe because I didn’t fulfill my goal: to finish with laude standing. Instead what had become of me: a chairperson whom I never expected I am capable to do. It was only recently that I realized that I didn’t even be a chairperson before besides GSP. In the classroom, I wasn’t even given a chance to hold a position. All they know is I am someone with brains. But I lack the leadership skills. Then someone expected me to run for finance committee head in stat council and later I become the head of the stat graduating committee finance. Thank God for those people who had seen me in a different angle and for their beliefs that I do have a chance to lead them.
College days are over. I now have my life. I got the education, the experience, yet I still haven’t been able to move on. I feared the first day of work, the treatment I will get at work, the capacity of work I will have to handle. What I know is I am in search for new responsibilities. The only thing I don’t know is where. One thing I am sure, I don’t have plans. The picture is like this. I am superman who will be there wherever help is needed and I am needed. I know I can do things what others will tell me to do. It’s also the idea of a slave. What I know is I don’t own my life, someone should be driving it. I am only following orders. My life had been like that ever since. Now that I am given a chance to drive it, I feel lost, without any hint of what it’s going to be. All is black, I can’t see an open road. Maybe if I will just be strong and persuasive, some roads may make way for me.
Watching TV had given me choices. I can be a chef or a baker. I tried baking, I think I can go in there but cooking meals failed me. I even regretted for not taking home economics electives. Maybe I can establish a bakery, I can make breads and pastry. I want to be a drag racer but I can’t even get a driver's license. If only I have the looks and sing in front of people. And my mind still not absorbing the fact that people can be millionaire before 25. I want to be counted as one but I think money can’t just pop up within 4 years. I did research on how they’d done that. It seems that you have to be famous, good-looking and have some talent that stand out from the rest. So, where do I start, even the simple question of “What’s your hobby” I can’t even mouth the answer. Nothing interests me. I don’t collect things, I am not a fan of this and that, and I am not good at something. Where do I start?
I strongly believe that money is just a tool. But now I want to be rich. What had gotten into me? I fear that I might walk away from earth without leaving prints and going unnoticed. I have few friends and acquaintances. Not enough to say that I had been a part of their lives. They will only know someone whose name is Ychel or Bossing. I want to touch other people’s lives. I want to see their kind of life. I want to experience everyone’s way of life. I want to be invisible and watch how they spend their day. I am bad at emotions and socializing. So, how again can it be possible? I want to help people, be an inspiration and learn from others. But I am trapped in my own world in which I don’t even know if there is an existing key. I see that in every aspect of life, you should be good at something to achieve results. You can’t just walk in it without any knowledge or ability. It’s a give-and-take process. Everything you gain comes from something you have invested. You can’t succeed if you got nothing to start with. You start from scratch and develop your way through it. Don’t throw away anything that you gained along the way for they might be needed in the future. I need to learn my craft. And I put it to You, God, to show me some light and let me start there. Help me as I blindedly walk in it. And when I am ready please don’t let me forget where I had been.
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